A Few Words: Ah, so you have come see whether or not there is a method to my madness. I'm disappointed that you would think so little of me that you had to check. It just so happens I am not as arbitrary as I may at first appear. Indeed, I have devised a perfectly ingenius system (and I assure you, it is brilliant) that will show you just how much of an amateur I am at this sort of thing.

Enjoy!

The Eye Candy Factor: I can see you flinching already. Do I really believe that a movie that does not star aesthetically appealing actors is of no worth? Of course not. What do you think the other categories are for? Just kidding. I assure you that this category is all in good fun. I mean no harm to the movies whose makers don't find it necessary to have good looking actors in the starring roles. You'll probably find my taste in actors a bit on the strange side anyway. I've never met another person who thinks Ian Hart is worth drooling over. (But if you're out there, drop me a line!) This will generally be graded on a scale of ten.

The Yeah Right! Factor: This category pertains to actor and character believability. Just because a movie stars good looking people doesn't mean those people can act. And just because those people can sometimes act doesn't mean their character is any good. Get my meaning? Based on a scale of one to ten.

Chick Flick or Dick Flick?: I have taken the liberty of stealing from my sister a phrase which she stole from a book called Kiss My Tiara by Susan Jane Gilman (though the definitions may not necessarily be the same). A Dick Flick, in case it wasn't obvious, is a movie geared more toward people of the male gender (things blow up and women take off their clothes unnecessarily...a lot). By Chick Flick, I am referring to those movies more geared toward people of the female gender (movies with an actual plot). Obviously, most movies are going to fall somewhere in the middle (unless it's, say, a war movie or a movie starring Richard Gere), but I'll try to see which audience it leans toward more and why. Sound good?

Ewan McGregor Connections: This is basically like playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, only with Ewan McGregor. If you don't know who Ewan McGregor is, he's the guy who plays young Obi-Wan Kenobi in the new Star Wars movies and Christian in Moulin Rouge. If you haven't seen these movies or at the very least heard of them, you should be ashamed of yourself. I recommend an immediate stop over at www.ewanspotting.com for a bit of research first. This way you'll be able to tell how little of a life I really have that I actually sit around and think about these things.

Sense and Sensibility: Does the movie make sense? I can be lost very easily sometimes. Another score based on a scale of one to ten.

The Coolness Factor: This will generally refer to how cool the special effects and stunt work are. I had to include this for Mr. Lucas's benefit. Scale of one to ten.

To Sum it All Up: An overall grade for the movie based on whether it generally seemed all right or generally seemed to suck ass. No complicated scientific calculations (read: averages) of any of the previous scores. Just a general grade on a scale of one to ten.

If you have any further questions on my ingenius system or a category you might like to see added (or taken away, if you are brave enough to tell me so), then please feel free to e-mail me. I dare you.

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