Taylor Hanson
"Do you need help getting into your room, sir?" she asked.
"No, thank you," I said as loudly as I could, not sure if she heard me. She sighed, raising her eyebrows higher at me before reluctantly moving on. This didn't seem like the classiest of hotels, but I guess it wasn't very often that she saw a fifteen year old boy sitting on the floor outside a particular hotel room with tears streaming down his face.
I had given up on actually going into the room a long time ago. My hand convulsed every time it came within a three inch radius of the knob. My knees felt like they would give any minute. Hair was plastered to my forehead and neck, an excessive amount of nervous sweat acting as a sort of glue.
I wanted to be able to trust in my brothers enough and have the self confidence enough to be able to go into the that room and not have to think twice about how they might treat me. They were my brothers!
No, they weren't. That reality hit me like a bucket of cold water.
I mean, what was I supposed to do if they rejected me? What was I supposed to do if they stopped talking to me and avoided me every time I entered a room? What was I supposed to do if they told me they didn't love me anymore?
It was all of those questions that instilled such an uncertainty in me that prevented me from being able to turn that knob, open that door, and walk into that room to face Isaac and Zac. And they weren't even the only obstacle I had to get around! What about my other sisters and brother? What about my parents?
"Taylor!" a quiet voice exclaimed.
I jumped having not noticed the door to the hotel room that I shared with Isaac and Zac had opened and Isaac had poked his head out.
I tried to smile at him, but my smile faltered sooner than my lips could be pulled upward. Before I knew it, I was sobbing again, too busy feeling a horrible bout of fear rushing through me to worry about feeling pathetic in front of my older brother.
"Oh, Tay," he said, getting down on his knees and coming over to me. He opened his arms and I practically threw myself into them. He held me to him while I sobbed loudly, saturating ths shirt that he was wearing. He didn't make comment, just rocked me back and forth while stroking my hair.
"It's not fair," I hiccuped.
"No, it's not," he said. "Look, Taylor, I won't pretend to know how you're feeling right now."
He pulled me away so that he could look me in the eye.
"And I won't pretend that I can help," he said. "But if it's any consolation, I don't care that you're technically not my brother." The words stung. "Bloodlines don't matter to me. And they don't matter to Mom and Dad. They don't matter to Zac. They don't matter to Jessica, Avery, and Mackenzie and, well, of course, they don't exactly matter to Zoe. You will always be my brother. Our brother. You will always be their son. Nothing will ever change that."
I sniffed.
"You deserve an Emmy for that," I said, finding I couldn't say anything else.
He snorted. "To hell with an Emmy. I deserve an Oscar for that."
"Actually, I think someone already has won an Oscar for that," Zac commented, leaning against the frame of the doorway to the room. He looked slightly uncomfortable and his expression was indecipherable. "So you might have to settle for a Golden Globe."
"Or a People's Choice at the very least," I said.
"Should've sung it. Then I could be up for a Grammy."
"Not without us, you're not," Zac said.
Once again, I unsuccessfully tried to smile. I wasn't ready to smile again yet. I decided to pace myself with that.
When I began crying again, Isaac pulled me back into a hug. Zac wrapped himself on the outside of it. I lifted my arm to let him in more.
Did you ever doubt us, Tay?" Zac asked me quietly.
I didn't answer. Even if I could, I don't think I would have. I've never been able to lie to my brothers. Now was no exception.
Still, I couldn't keep that feeling that something had very definitely changed between us from creeping up my spine as we sat on the floor of the hotel that day. It passed in and out of me within the span of the twenty or so minutes we were like that and was quickly forgotten. It wouldn't enter my mind agian until much later.
Predictions? Suggestions? Comments? My box is open to them!
Index
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty-One